1. Sometimes we have to have hard conversations with our friends.
My friend and I were having some troubles. He was hitting and pinching me. I didn't like it. I went over and told mama what happened "He hit me on the head. He pinch my arm." I wasn't crying, but I was a little upset and in need of help. My mama asked me if I told my friend “No, friend. That hurts" and she signed hurt. This seemed to satisfy me. The hitting happened again. I went back and told my mama “Friend hit me. Hurt” and signed hurt. My mama said “Yes, you tell your friend ‘No, friend. That hurts" and she signed hurt. I went over and told and signed this to my friend, but he had moved on. Later, he was trying to take a toy I was playing with. I said “No friend. Uma turn.” It didn't work, but I kept saying it was my turn. We moved on somehow, but later he hit me again. This time, I didn't walk over to my mama. I just told my friend "No friend. Hurt." And I signed hurt. I'm not sure if he understood, but I am trying to use my words.
2. Sometimes we just need to handle stuff ourselves.
My mama was swinging me around and set me down. Somehow I fell down. I cried and cried. My mama wasn't sure if I hurt myself or not. She got down and put an arm around my back to look me in the face. She asked me “Did something happen? Are you having feelings? Are you hurt?” I pointed to my nose while sucking in air. It was a bit red. “Did you bonk your nose?” mama asked. I shook my head yes. “Oh, you got an owee on the nose. Do you need a hug or a kiss?” Saying nothing, I pushed out of her embrace and walked off, crying loudly to myself. After a few minutes the crying lowered a few levels.
I sat down and said, “Mama, I have feelings a little bit.”I got up, a bit snuffly, and moved to play with something. Nope. I didn't need my mama this time. I handled it myself, and told her so.
“You are having some feelings?” mama said.
“Yes. I ok, though. I ok. I doing ok.”“Do you need a hug or a kiss?”
3. When people treat me with compassion and kindness, I tend to treat them the same.
My mama and daddy try not to make me be polite. They don't make me say sorry or please, or they don't mean to. They do try to say please, thank you and you're welcome to me. They also say hello and goodbye and "nice to meet you." So, I have incorporated all these things. When we go on walks or are at the store. I say hello and tell them "nice to meet you" when we leave. [One of my current favorite games is to knock on the door of the room we are in and wait for mama and daddy to say "come in." Then I come in and they make a hello fuss and we hug. I say goodbye, "nice to meet you" and shake my mama's hand before leaving....and starting over again and again.] My parents also say sorry, often. I haven't been saying this as much as the others. I prefer to go over, offer a cheek or shoulder and kiss the "owee." They sign all these words to me, and I sign mostly you're welcome and please.
4. Breathing can help you get through big feelings.
Lately I've been getting frustrated about not being able to do things. (put on socks, jacket, etc.) I start to get worked up in body and breath. I throw things and hit and breathe heavily. My mama told me when we have feelings -- when we are angry or frustrated or hurt -- we can breathe. She breathed. I breathed. We did that again. I calmed down. Later I got frustrated again. Mama said, “remember we can breathe when we feel frustrated or angry.” We breathed together once. She told me to breathe again, and we breathed together two more times. Mama said "when we have feelings we can take three breaths." I was calm and playing by the end of the third breath.
These lessons aren't easy to learn, but I feel eager to learn more ways of expressing myself. I don't want to hurt others and I don't want my mama to solve everything all the time. Still, life is hard, and some things are hard to do. Sometimes, I do just want "mama hold-uuu." I squeeze on my mama's lap, which is becoming less and less roomy it seems.....but that's another story....
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